Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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