Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
