Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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