I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
