Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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