I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
