I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
