ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
