Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
