I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
