I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
