airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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