If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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