Please don't use social media to get back at me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
