Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
