I got chris browned last night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
