At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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