It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize