I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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