I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
