I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize