We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
