***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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