I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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