I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize