I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
