So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize