he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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