I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
