She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
