Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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