I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
