So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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