Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize