Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
