did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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