a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
