Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
