I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize