are you still at the devil's house?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to make out with him forever
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
