he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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