every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
