Pappa wants mamma naked
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No subtext here. People are naked.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
