happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
