I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
