I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
