he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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