M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
