Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
