why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
