The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
