we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
