i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
