I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
