Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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