She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize