they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
