her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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