News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
