Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
