So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
