OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
