Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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