no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
