I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize