there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
