My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
