A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
