Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
