My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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