Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
