Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
