i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
