so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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