I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Houston, we have a squirter
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
