24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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