my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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