Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
