i jhust puked up my retainher.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize