i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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