I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
