Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
