Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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