i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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