All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
