Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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