what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my phone needs a breathalizer
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
