honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
