you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
