She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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