I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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