when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
