i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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