hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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