just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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