he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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