I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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