Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
